如何面對孩子的情緒，同時處理（看照）自己的情緒

How to Deal With Our Kid’s Emotions While Caring for Ours

大人會進入說教／教導模式，是因為想要孩子能面對並解決眼前問題，但孩子在經歷挫折時，最需要的是先被理解與陪伴，我們如果能以同理取代說教，說出來的話語可以讓小孩得到支持並產生力量，同時避免自己被孩子遷怒，引發另一場情緒風暴。作為教師或是家長，我們至少可以做到兩件事：一、孩子的情緒表達需要時間流動，不要加以阻礙。二、孩子可以選擇情緒表達方式，不要予以限制或是評價。試著去理解，進而同理孩子為什麼生氣，即使無法每次猜中，但是，透過每一次的願意理解，能夠慢慢累積並換得親子之間的信任，讓孩子相信「我的爸爸、媽媽是在替我想辦法，願意陪伴我，不會因為我生氣了，他們就不愛我了」。而大人則藉由覺察自己的狀態的過程，可以避免跟孩子競爭、爭寵，好好地協助孩子真誠地面對、接納自己的情緒，成為情緒自主的人。

An adult starts the preaching/teaching mode because they want their child to face and solve the problem at the moment. However, when the child is going through frustration, what they need the most is to be empathized with, understood, and kept company. If we can empathize with them instead of preaching, what we say will give our children powerful support and at the same time avoid the possibility of us being angered by them and thus leading to another emotional turmoil. As a teacher or a parent, at least we are capable of doing the following two things: 1. A child’s emotional expression needs time to process and we should not intervene. 2. A child is entitled to choose how they express their emotions and we should not restrict or criticize their way of expression. Try to understand and empathize with our child why they are so angry even if we can not guess the real reason that makes them furious every time. Nevertheless, through the effort of being willing to understand, we are able to gradually accumulate and obtain the mutual trust and help our kid believe that my mom and dad are trying to assist me and willing to stay by my side without the fear that my mom will no longer love me because I get mad. The process of an adult becoming aware of their status will prevent them from competing with their child emotionally and assist them to genuinely face themselves, accept their own feelings, and turn into a person that is emotionally independent.